Hello!! I hope you had a fantastic Christmas
and are recovering well from all the festivities.
Today is Boxing Day here in Canada and other
parts of the world. When I first came to Canada I
asked people what Boxing Day was. What are they
celebrating, what is this "holiday" that falls
the day after Christmas? I never did get a straight
answer from anyone... but one thing that it did
mean to Canadians was MEGA sales!!! Kind of
like Black Friday in the USA. Mad crowds, people
everywhere, fighting over bargains, exchanging gifts
they either didn't like or didn't need... or wrong size.
Well, I don't partake in the madness. I am content with
all that I have.
This Christmas, I didn't expect any Christmas gifts, cards,
calls... or anything. My family is split far and wide... and
now family here in Canada is pretty much non-existent
besides my youngest son and me. So yesterday was a great
day for him, opening every gift ...no name tags, he knew
they were all for him! lol He was very happy with everything,
even his package of socks! He's been having fun with all of
his new games for Xbox and his laptop.
I made turkey dinner on Christmas Eve so I didn't have to do
any cooking. Good thing, because I was wiped out. I spent
most of the day in bed trying to recover.
I called my mom and my daughter... which was great.
I sure miss them and my older boys. I didn't hear from
them which makes me sad... maybe one day they will
come around. It was a delight talking to my daughter.
She's grown so fast and I am so very proud of her and all
of her accomplishments. She will be graduating in June
with her Bachelor's Degree in Psychology. She is also
a dancer since the young age of 5 when I put her in
her first ballet class. Now she does many different forms
of dance, of which skills didn't come from me!! She does
love to bake and is quite the crafty lady...now that I can take
credit for, since she said so!! lol I love her so much!
So, this morning I was feeling tired and fell back asleep
after sending out some greetings on Myspace and Facebook.
I don't do nearly as many as I was doing before. I post more
here than anywhere. I woke up again and went to stretch...
well... my hand touched my chest and I felt something
through my t-shirt... just like last time. Like fate had put my
hand there in that spot... last time this happened, it turned
out to be breast cancer. I had mammograms which never
showed any problems... the cancer was quite high and an
ultrasound was the only way besides my own discovery to
detect it. So this morning, my heart kind of sank... I can
feel a lump above where the last cancer was, but I also have
a lot of scar tissue, feels like a hard rope under my chest.
That area is a bit numb from the surgery and radiation
I had previously. So, today I was pondering what to do
and right now, I think I will just wait and see what happens.
I don't want to go through another surgery or chemo, which are
my only options the second time around. I don't have anyone
here to help if I did go that route... so I may just leave it all
in God's hands and take things a day at a time. I've decided
not to worry, because it doesn't make things any better, and
usually I am worrying for nothing. Given the situation of my
life at this point, and all the things I've had to deal with in the
past several years... the stress and all, it wouldn't surprise me
if this cancer has returned. I started hearing crackling when I
inhale about 2 months ago or so... which isn't a good sign.
So I look on the internet for symptoms ...and it didn't look
good, it just made me worry that now it has spread to
my lungs or bones, which breast cancer can do...so I am
just not going to worry any more about it.
Whatever happens, happens... I guess time will tell and
I have some things to seriously think about... but for tonight,
I am drowning myself in music... and just soothing my soul.
It's been one lonely Christmas... and I desperately need to
take my mind off things... so, music, root beer and back
to knitting some leg warmers for my daughter, next week
I will decide if I want to be checked out... my mammogram
is due but I don't think it will detect this high...if so...omg
NOT looking forward to getting my chest smashed together.
It hurts so bad it brings me to tears... but I know it has to
be done... just gotta drink something stronger than diet A&W
root beer to get my courage up!! LOL
Oh, and before I forget... Boxing Day!!
Here is a link if you want to know!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_Day
Have a wonderful evening and Thursday! Enjoy
life and all it's beauty regardless of the bad things
that make us stumble on the way...it is still worth
every breath... believe... it will be better one day.
One thing at a time...
one day at a time.
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